He Has Risen....Word!

In a splendid and quasi-predictable event, Christ has been resurrected as Kanye West and will appear on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine's February 2006 issue. Kanye's rise to messiahdom started at an early age when he began turning water into 40 oz. bottles of Old English and was able to walk across the Hudson River from New Jersey to Manhattan in search of "mad, ill beats". Clergy officials in Vatican City have been working around the clock to either confirm or refute His second coming. Nonetheless, Pope Benedict XVI issued a statement this morning where he proclaimed that, "if he is the messiah, I'm still not going to let him drink from my water fountain".

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